LIFE TO LIVE

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I saw you die today,

All bloated, bald and yellow.

We used to talk a lot before.

Me by your bed,

You lying there listening,

Feeling the hot chemicals

Seep into your veins,

Through the small plastic tubes

Connected to the bag full

Of that stuff that's killing you.

​

We would talk about your girlfriend

And your plans to marry her when

She's back from OS

How you want to eat pizza

Drink a dozen beers and go

Clubbing with your mates.

I laugh and join in on the 

Dreams that we both know

Will  never happen.

Not in this lifetime anyway.

​

You are lying here now with 

Your mouth agape inhaling

The last breaths which rattle your lungs.

The lips are dry and cracked.

And I can see the ulcers on

Your gums formed from

The weeks of treatment

The thin yellow arm trapped to

A morphine machine so that

Your last hours are without pain.

​

I stand there and watch,

Knowing what's physically going on

In your body. The slow molecular

Breakdown which happens up to 

The final sigh, beat and impulse

You will ever make.

I watch this disintegration

Almost with fascination and

Marvel how you know inside

Yourself that death is what's happening.

​

I take your hand to say goodbye,

Which feels all parched and brittle

And squeeze it so lightly to let you 

Know I am still there.

Softly I say farewell and for a second

Your eyes open and you say, "No. Don't go yet".

That's what I should be saying to you

Dear friend, "Don't go yet. There is still

Life to live." But with a flutter

You shut your eyes, and you are gone.

​